jokes.json

{"jokes":[{"_id":{"_id":"53f7fa0a13aefe0b004c1bcb","description":"Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?\nA: Spoiled milk."},"likesCount":300},{"_id":{"_id":"563aa61e31cc5e0e00892bae","description":"What does a dragon call a knight in shining armor? Canned food"},"likesCount":135},{"_id":{"_id":"545b99b1c77d200b00970fe9","description":"Q: What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?\nA: Catch!"},"likesCount":273},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1f2944e5290b004f7a8b","description":"Why did your sister wear a wet shirt all day ?\nBecause the label said, 'Wash and Wear.'"},"likesCount":294},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd468820b1860b0040b276","description":"Q: Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?\nA: Student: You told me not to use tables."},"likesCount":466},{"_id":{"_id":"54654b15bcc2480b00c3d3f4","description":"Q: Who helped the pumpkin across the road?\n\nA: The police-GOURD!"},"likesCount":177},{"_id":{"_id":"5633922f7400000e00ba1b98","description":"Son to papa:dad what is2+2? \nFather:That's so simple, you should not have bug me for this. get me my calculator I Will tell you"},"likesCount":133},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1ee144e5290b004f7a89","description":"Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister's bed ?\nSon: I couldn't find a spider."},"likesCount":206},{"_id":{"_id":"543aee78a8aac50b00b95ca4","description":"Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?\n\nA: Frosted Flakes!"},"likesCount":185},{"_id":{"_id":"547683ac774f9a0b00d87200","description":"Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!"},"likesCount":945},{"_id":{"_id":"53f788dd477cef0b0045aa9e","description":"Q: Teacher: Didn't I tell you to stand at the end of the line?\nA: Student: I tried but there was someone already there!"},"likesCount":294},{"_id":{"_id":"5409260f1a4baa0b00f8fc40","description":"Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?\nHe wanted to go to high school."},"likesCount":1223},{"_id":{"_id":"54092de81a4baa0b00f8fc4f","description":"During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.\n\nTeacher:Jack, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.\n\n\nJack: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school"},"likesCount":3816},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd4bef20b1860b0040b283","description":"Q: How do you catch a monkey?? \n\nA: Climb a tree and act like a banana."},"likesCount":469},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7f7e713aefe0b004c1bc2","description":"Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?\nA: In case he got a hole in one!"},"likesCount":192},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd4b2520b1860b0040b281","description":"Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? \n\nA: Stuck!"},"likesCount":282},{"_id":{"_id":"55507a4104c4cb0c00e63f28","description":"A boy told his mom, mom my teacher is so mad.First she told 4+1=5\nThe next day she told 3+2=5....."},"likesCount":1278},{"_id":{"_id":"543aedfaa8aac50b00b95ca0","description":"Q: Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?\n\nA: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!"},"likesCount":206},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd456820b1860b0040b26f","description":"Q: How do you make a walnut laugh?\nA: Crack it up!"},"likesCount":158},{"_id":{"_id":"540926211a4baa0b00f8fc41","description":"Where do pencils go for vacation?\nPencil-vania"},"likesCount":210},{"_id":{"_id":"54092d311a4baa0b00f8fc4e","description":"Kid : Mom do I look like a God?\nMother : Why you are asking this?\nKid : Mom whenever I go to my friends place, they say oh God you came again?"},"likesCount":534},{"_id":{"_id":"54195d54d53c470b00944c1a","description":"Patient: I think I'm losing my memory.\nDoctor: When did it start?\nPatient: When did what start?"},"likesCount":294},{"_id":{"_id":"550020126ef14e0c00b708b8","description":"During an English lesson, teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. \nTeacher: Jack, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body. Jack:(thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling school."},"likesCount":124},{"_id":{"_id":"5409290e1a4baa0b00f8fc4b","description":"Q: What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?\nA: Pick them up and roll them back"},"likesCount":850},{"_id":{"_id":"54768301774f9a0b00d871fc","description":"Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? A: He couldn't concentrate!"},"likesCount":181},{"_id":{"_id":"543aef14a8aac50b00b95ca7","description":"Q: Who’s black and white and says “HO, HO, HO?”\n\nA: A penguin in disguise!"},"likesCount":359},{"_id":{"_id":"545ff046b8994f0b00f892cc","description":"what did the fox say to the deer :I will invite you for lunch yum yum in my tum tum!"},"likesCount":467},{"_id":{"_id":"547683ee774f9a0b00d87203","description":"Q: What kind of key opens a banana? A: A monkey!"},"likesCount":481},{"_id":{"_id":"545b8a54c77d200b00970f70","description":"Q: Why did the lion spit out the clown?\nA: Because he tasted funny!"},"likesCount":358},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b4eb4e728c0b00da3ba2","description":"What do you call a bear with no teeth?\n(A gummy bear!)"},"likesCount":1332},{"_id":{"_id":"53f78840477cef0b0045aa94","description":"Q: What did the ground say to the earthquake? \nA: You crack me up!"},"likesCount":174},{"_id":{"_id":"559ae910fa8c4b0c005a7937","description":"A teacher asked a student to learn the first three letters of the alphabet.\nSo he went home and asked his mum ''what's the first letter of the alphabet?'' She replied ''go ask your father.'' So he walked off to find his father who was watching football. He says ''Dad, what's the second letter of the alphabet?'' (The team he was supporting just scored a goal!) so the dad shout's ''goal'' Then he moves on to see his sister. (She was listening to some music.) he asks ''what's the third letter of the alphabet?'' And his sister sings along ''driving in my yellow car. So when he went to school the next day his teacher asks ''did you learn the first three letters of the alphabet?'' So the boy replies \nBoy: go ask your father\nTeacher: do you want to be sent to the head teachers office?\nBoy: goal!!!\nTeacher: how do you think you will get away with this?\nBoy: driving in my yellow car!!"},"likesCount":191},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd490b20b1860b0040b279","description":"Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?\n\nA: His parents were in a jam."},"likesCount":212},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd44f020b1860b0040b26d","description":"Q: Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke?\nA: Because it might crack up!"},"likesCount":570},{"_id":{"_id":"547683d7774f9a0b00d87202","description":"Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!"},"likesCount":327},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7892d477cef0b0045aa9f","description":"Q: How can you tell the ocean is friendly?\nA: It waves."},"likesCount":210},{"_id":{"_id":"558a0a1273b4410c008ae4fb","description":"why should you never fly with peter pan?\nbecause he will never,never land"},"likesCount":220},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd49d220b1860b0040b27c","description":"Q: Why did King Kong climb the Empire State Building?\nA: He couldn't fit in the elevator"},"likesCount":170},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b64f4e728c0b00da3bad","description":"Why do bears have fur coats?\n(Because they look silly wearing jackets!)"},"likesCount":181},{"_id":{"_id":"550d2c04731f540c00483ede","description":"A teacher asked a class what is the oldest animal ? The class Said a zebra because it's still it's  black and white"},"likesCount":1648},{"_id":{"_id":"5493d88f789e9e0b00d65c55","description":"Q : Who delivers presents to cats?\nA : Santa paws"},"likesCount":825},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd4d1720b1860b0040b284","description":"Q: Why can't skeletons play church music?\nA: Because they have no organs."},"likesCount":246},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b5c94e728c0b00da3ba9","description":"What to polar bears eat for lunch?\n(Ice berg-ers!)"},"likesCount":410},{"_id":{"_id":"5496d59c8d416a0b004927ee","description":"A teacher asked student \nWhere is pratapgad fort?\nOne student answer\nIn the middle page of our history book"},"likesCount":190},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7f9ef13aefe0b004c1bca","description":"Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?\nA: A bull-dozer."},"likesCount":67},{"_id":{"_id":"545b88eac77d200b00970f6b","description":"Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?\nA: Sunbeams!"},"likesCount":2435},{"_id":{"_id":"550c4145c563540c0085aa71","description":"Q: How many elephants can you fit in a minivan? A: 3, one in the front, one in the back, and one in the trunk. Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a mini van? A: None, it's full of elephants."},"likesCount":163},{"_id":{"_id":"550888841406210c002d381e","description":"Why do fish always sing off key??\nA:you can't tuna fish!!!!!"},"likesCount":325},{"_id":{"_id":"53f9ee016429040b00ed0fcc","description":"I am a poke not a joke  I am pen not Ben  I am fool not pool  I am sunny not funny   I am donkey not monkey  I am crazy not lazy I am bear not a   chair                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     \n\n\n\n\n\n                                             by Yashita"},"likesCount":273},{"_id":{"_id":"550ee4de8fdec60c0058d54d","description":"Why is it freezeing? \nBecause it was frozen"},"likesCount":116},{"_id":{"_id":"561af2db7275e20e0019ac7b","description":"What did paper say to pencil?\nA:write on"},"likesCount":110},{"_id":{"_id":"559ae709fa8c4b0c005a7934","description":"Q. What's Captain Hook's favourite shop? \nA. The second hand shop ??"},"likesCount":121},{"_id":{"_id":"558ad1f7762c630c00c48509","description":"Why couldn't the music teacher open up her classroom? \n\n Why? \n\n Because she left her keys on the piano"},"likesCount":56},{"_id":{"_id":"55147716d00ab10c009069fd","description":"Q. Why can't Cinderella play football?\nA. Because she's to busy running away from the ball!"},"likesCount":203},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1d2744e5290b004f7a82","description":"How do you make banana shake ?\nGive it a good scare !"},"likesCount":334},{"_id":{"_id":"541959a5d53c470b00944c12","description":"Whats the difference between a teacher and a train. the teacher says spit out your gum and the train says chew chew chew."},"likesCount":442},{"_id":{"_id":"543aee1ea8aac50b00b95ca1","description":"Q What is a monkey’s favorite Christmas carol?\n\nA: Jungle Bells!"},"likesCount":212},{"_id":{"_id":"54b143824ad3490b001f8b3d","description":"There's a mommy  tomato and a daddy tomato and a baby tomato and the baby tomato is falling behind the daddy said ketchup"},"likesCount":48},{"_id":{"_id":"54195d7ad53c470b00944c1c","description":"Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses!\nWaiter: You certainly do, this is a restaurant!"},"likesCount":438},{"_id":{"_id":"5526823a7001750c00eb4e70","description":"Q: a cowboy came into town on Friday stayed three days, then left on friday. How did he do it?\nA: his horses name was Friday"},"likesCount":153},{"_id":{"_id":"547680a9774f9a0b00d871f4","description":"Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to her music?\nA: Because she broke the record!"},"likesCount":152},{"_id":{"_id":"54195bf7d53c470b00944c19","description":"Why can't a leopard hide?\n(Because it's always spotted!)"},"likesCount":604},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7f7fa13aefe0b004c1bc3","description":"Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball?\nA: A bat!"},"likesCount":609},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b5aa4e728c0b00da3ba8","description":"What color socks do bears wear?\n(They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)"},"likesCount":295},{"_id":{"_id":"540928731a4baa0b00f8fc47","description":"Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?\nA: Because his class was so bright!"},"likesCount":717},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd4b0720b1860b0040b280","description":"Q: What day do chickens hate most?\n\nA: Fry-days!"},"likesCount":1362},{"_id":{"_id":"545b9b2fc77d200b00970feb","description":"birds that live by the sea : seagulls\nbirds that live by the bay : bagels"},"likesCount":227},{"_id":{"_id":"556b366be903d40c00254710","description":"Why did the banana go to the hospital because he wasn't peeling well"},"likesCount":38},{"_id":{"_id":"54768230774f9a0b00d871f9","description":"Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!"},"likesCount":135},{"_id":{"_id":"545b8935c77d200b00970f6c","description":"Q: What do librarians take when  going fishing?\nA: Bookworms"},"likesCount":212},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd460f20b1860b0040b275","description":"Q: Where did the music teacher leave his keys?\nA: In the piano!"},"likesCount":108},{"_id":{"_id":"5504140d3197070c00082796","description":"What goes black and white black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill\nWhat goes black and white hahahaha?\nThe penguin that pushed him!"},"likesCount":33},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1e9844e5290b004f7a87","description":"Teacher: I'd like you to be very quiet today, girls. I've got a dreadful headache. \nMary: Please, Miss ! why don't you do what mum does when she has a headache ?\nTeacher: What's that ?\nMary: She sends us out to play !"},"likesCount":1149},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7885c477cef0b0045aa96","description":"Q: What did you learn in school today?\nA: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!"},"likesCount":301},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd44c620b1860b0040b26c","description":"Q: Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?\nA: Then why aren't you laughing!"},"likesCount":157},{"_id":{"_id":"54d415630c318b0c00d70831","description":"Knock knock---who's there?---Boo---Boo who?Boo who you don't need to cry!"},"likesCount":41},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7fc5b13aefe0b004c1bcc","description":"Q: Two tigers were eating a clown. What did one of the tigers say to the other?\nA: \"Does this taste funny to you?"},"likesCount":197},{"_id":{"_id":"5409285c1a4baa0b00f8fc46","description":"Q: Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?\nA: Student: I didn't even know it was sick!"},"likesCount":258},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7f81613aefe0b004c1bc4","description":"Q: Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?\nA: He was perfecting his swing."},"likesCount":186},{"_id":{"_id":"543f2f667eaf050b00df31bf","description":"Your shoes so ugly they can talk"},"likesCount":183},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1d3944e5290b004f7a83","description":"Waiter, this soup tastes funny ?\nThen why aren't you laughing !"},"likesCount":250},{"_id":{"_id":"540926921a4baa0b00f8fc44","description":"What did the mushroom say to the fungus?\nYou're a fun guy [fungi]."},"likesCount":604},{"_id":{"_id":"543aedc6a8aac50b00b95c9e","description":"Q: How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate?\n\nA: He has a black belt!"},"likesCount":380},{"_id":{"_id":"545b8d0dc77d200b00970f74","description":"Q: Why did the man stand behind the horse?\nA:  to get a kick"},"likesCount":268},{"_id":{"_id":"5499a9c056b7420b00f66f14","description":"Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrgh!!"},"likesCount":282},{"_id":{"_id":"53f78874477cef0b0045aa98","description":"Q: What is the world's tallest building?\nA: The library because it has the most stories."},"likesCount":136},{"_id":{"_id":"55132ea9d937a60c008e81b5","description":"Why did the child bring a ladder to school? A:it was a high school."},"likesCount":55},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7893f477cef0b0045aaa0","description":"Q: What did Mars say to Saturn?\nA: Give me a ring sometime."},"likesCount":319},{"_id":{"_id":"547680eb774f9a0b00d871f6","description":"Q: What is the musical part of a snake?\nA: The scales!"},"likesCount":166},{"_id":{"_id":"542fe9843a4ebd0b002077f1","description":"Knock knock! who's there? Interrupting cow interrup moo"},"likesCount":108},{"_id":{"_id":"53ff1f1144e5290b004f7a8a","description":"Why did your sister shoot the alarm clock ?\nBecause she felt like killing time."},"likesCount":210},{"_id":{"_id":"54a981f0a52c4e0b0084e3ef","description":"how do you make a sausage roll?? Push it down a hill"},"likesCount":145},{"_id":{"_id":"54092f081a4baa0b00f8fc50","description":"Kid (over the phone pretending as a dad): Teacher, My kid won't be coming to school today.\n\nMadam: Who is speaking?\n\nKid: My dad"},"likesCount":365},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd4a4a20b1860b0040b27d","description":"Q: Why was the broom late?\n\nA: It over swept!"},"likesCount":301},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd45e820b1860b0040b273","description":"Q: Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing?\nA: She wanted to reach the high notes!"},"likesCount":164},{"_id":{"_id":"540929c81a4baa0b00f8fc4c","description":"Q: why does the man called the fire truck\nA; because he got fired from his job by his boss"},"likesCount":342},{"_id":{"_id":"5476832b774f9a0b00d871fd","description":"Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A: A turkey!"},"likesCount":104},{"_id":{"_id":"54b072059946060b0007d294","description":"What do you call a pig that knows karate\n\n\nAnswer\n\n\nPorkchop"},"likesCount":404},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd44a620b1860b0040b26a","description":"Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?\nA: Nacho cheese!"},"likesCount":303},{"_id":{"_id":"5505adf75c26d00c00bf0233","description":"Q:what is something you can throw but can not catch? A:a party"},"likesCount":230},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd44b920b1860b0040b26b","description":"Q: What's the best thing to put into a pie?\nA: Your teeth!"},"likesCount":168},{"_id":{"_id":"56381c9225f5140e001250c9","description":"What do skeletons say before meals?\n\n                               Bone appetite!!!??"},"likesCount":23},{"_id":{"_id":"53f78889477cef0b0045aa9a","description":"Q: When do astronauts eat?\nA: At launch time!"},"likesCount":415},{"_id":{"_id":"554f82eefdc9fc0c008e2f83","description":"Teacher: Rohan! How dare you copy\nRohan: No ma'am I was just making sure that he copied my paper right."},"likesCount":119},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b5284e728c0b00da3ba5","description":"What's white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?\n(A molar bear!)"},"likesCount":409},{"_id":{"_id":"53f7f7bb13aefe0b004c1bc1","description":"Q: Why did the basketball player go to jail?\nA: Because he shot the ball."},"likesCount":361},{"_id":{"_id":"540928a61a4baa0b00f8fc48","description":"Q: Teacher: If I had 6 oranges in one hand and 7 apples in the other, what would I have?\nA: Student: Big hands!"},"likesCount":557},{"_id":{"_id":"53fd498620b1860b0040b27b","description":"Q: How can you make seven even? \n\nA: Take away the S"},"likesCount":622},{"_id":{"_id":"53f78880477cef0b0045aa99","description":"Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?\nA: It caused a revolution!"},"likesCount":188},{"_id":{"_id":"54768283774f9a0b00d871fb","description":"Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks."},"likesCount":145},{"_id":{"_id":"53f8b5424e728c0b00da3ba6","description":"How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?\n(They use bear conditioning!)"},"likesCount":163},{"_id":{"_id":"54768253774f9a0b00d871fa","description":"Q: What did the pencile say to the other pencil? 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